I HATE THIS PLANET

By Enola Jones

Written for "Rodney and Teyla only, Rodney POV" challenge for "Last Fanfiction Writer Standing 2008".

"Did I happen to mention how much I hate this planet?"

"Yes, Rodney," Teyla replied with that serene smile that seemed just a little strained around the edges.

"If it's not the bugs, it's the solar radiation and if it's not the solar radiation it's the citrus fruits on the trees and if it's not those it's the carnivorous plants just waiting to eat us--"

"There are no carnivorous plants on this world, Rodney."

"Still! There could be! And what if the--"

"Wraith," Teyla hissed.

"Right, let's not forget about those nasties --"

"Rodney, I sense Wraith!"

His mouth clacked shut and his hands raised his P-90. "Where?"

"Coming closer very fast. We need --"

"Take cover!" Rodney bellowed and began firing as the Wraith appeared. Teyla fired as well, back to back, as they retreated toward the building they had been approaching. A stunner bolt shot too close for comfort, and Rodney lurched into the structure, pulling Teyla with him just as a ricochet ripped into the building as well.

Rodney located and slammed the door controls, praying they'd work. The door shut, cutting off the bellow of rage the Wraith made as they were separated from their prey. "Are you all right?" Rodney called.

"I think so," Teyla said, sitting up and groaning softly. Her hand that went to her head came away red.

"Oh, no," Rodney gasped. "You were shot!"

"I believe I was grazed. The head bleeds much, but I am minorly injured. Yourself?"

"What? Oh, I'm fine. I'm just fine." He looked toward the door, worrying his lip as pounding started on it. He reached a hand to his ear, then groaned. "And my radio's gone. Tell me yours works."

"I can not," she sighed, holding it to him. "The graze shattered it."

"Damn. Okay, so ..... what now?"

She looked at the door. "They will come."

"Well, I know they will, they were right behind us, but I mean who do you think is gonna reach us first?"

Teyla looked at the fear in his eyes and opened her mouth to reassure, when a burst of gunfire on the other side of the door did it for her.

After a few moments of silence, came the blessedly irreverent sound of a knocked "Shave and a haircut".

As Rodney tried to explain the Earth knock to Teyla, he couldn't help but laugh. "The point is, we're rescued!"

THE END




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